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Art by Slakingfool

Original Air date: July 22nd, 2021

Caption: Suddenly best selling poet and friend of the show Andrew Heaton calls in. Scoop Mail and Jock Vs. Nerd trivia.

Running time: 1:42

Recording location: The Churn version 7


Matt and Paul start out by introducing themselves with throwbacks to Occupado the pants-wearing Gorilla.

Matt talks about going to see his wife in the Atomic Saloon show. Jacob and Matt talk about how many empty theaters there are at the Venitian.

Matt talks about teaching kids magic tricks for a camp that his wife organized.

A Fake Commercial for Asinine Alex's Armadillo Arsenal.

The hosts introduce an interview with Andrew Heaton, best selling author of poetry. He talks about his work of Poetry complaining about Los Angeles. Paul proposes co-writing a Trek Parody poetry book with Andrew.

Andrew prepares to read a poem and states that the hosts will start sprouting berets (episode title reference).

The hosts talk about printing out Mapquest directions before the age of gps on normal devices.

A Fake Commercial for Cynical Cecil's Compustible Cucumbers.


  • The Scoop With Two Names consistently pees out 350 mL in the hospital.
  • Doom Scoop sends in a list of names for Jacob's bar. They are partial to "The Knobs and Dials."

Jock vs. Nerd

THe hunt for balls theme is played. Jacques Scoop-teau sends in a boating fact and a Scoopardy.

Characters and Bits

  • Real buffalo and horses out front to attract them to a show
  • Matt Franco is an 8 pack a day smoker and gets lung replacements from Cambodian orphans but does not kill the orphans.
  • A talking door in the show Dumb Assassin
  • Wacky broke-the-condom-already guy
  • Daily Storm Trooper
  • Fart Pee where gas is trapped in the urinary tract
  • The Buttery Taint bar
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